Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Thing That Scares You!

So - this is a little something different! Make sure you read ALL THE WAY thru for some amazing blogs and prizes! YES! Prizes! 

In SPIRAL, Nessa confronts her fears about getting close to Aron by reminding herself of her father's motto: "Always do the thing that scares you." 

It's probably a saying all of us could use from time to time, and in the spirit of Mila's new book, "SPIRAL," I've joined some friends to write about the thing I did that scared me. 

Um, this is sort of hard. I've done a lot of things that have scared the sweet be-jesus out of me, but I was too dumb, stubborn busy to notice. But the last one - ahhh. That was both well calculated and absolutely terrifying.

So, let me start off by saying I have NOT had the best of luck with men. Or maybe I should say I've had too much luck with men. I've sort of been married too much. Yeah. Me and Liz. *sigh*

However - when I met The Man Behind The Curtain, things changed. He was wonderful, amazing, generous, kind, supportive. Yeah, all that and a hunk. We met at work, and my work meant I travelled a lot. Like, for months on end. The first three years we were together, I was gone more than I was home. I went to Texas (three times), Connecticut (twice), San Diego (four times), Philadelphia (seven times), Miami (twice) and Jacksonville (three times). I travelled A LOT. 

Then, I moved into a new position at work and I was home. A LOT. I even worked from home two days a week. Of course, when I did go in to the office, I worked way too many hours. He would call me at 6 p.m. (having been there since 6 a.m.) and tell me to turn off the computer and come home. And he'd have dinner waiting. 

I know, right? What a guy! 

And I left him again. 

And that's what I did that scared me.

We were really, really happy. We'd been together longer than any two of my previous marriages combined. It was all sooooo good. And I was offered a job all the way across the country. Like, move from right coast to left coast across the country. 

I had made a point of telling The Man Behind The Curtain that I was going back to California someday. My entire family was there, including my son who had just left the military. And the job was in San Diego. SAN DIEGO!!! 

It was an amazing opportunity; I was being given the chance to be the Quality Manager at a major shipyard. I was being given the chance to be the FIRST woman Quality Manager of a shipyard that anyone had ever known. Me! Little Ol' Me! But there was a catch (isn't there always): My company was sending me six months on temp assignment, and if it didn't work out, they would "find something for me to work on." This meant no relocation expenses and no guarantees. Pretty scary, right? 

No, that was not the scariest part. 

See, The Man Behind The Curtain was all for me taking the chance. He was all about me taking advantage of this opportunity, even though there was no safety net. And folks, we didn't exactly have any other kind of safety net, financial or otherwise. And he told me (prepare to mist) that he had his career, it was my turn. Really. He said that.

So, we loaded up the Honda  and drove across the country. We enjoyed the drive. We enjoyed spending time together. We enjoyed the three days in California together before he had to fly back. To our house. Our dog. Our friends. His job - which had no possibility of transferring. 

And the hardest thing? The thing that scared me the most? Leaving him at the airport for his flight back to Virginia. See, that was the point, the exact moment in time when I realized I was leaving the one thing I never wanted to leave: Him. 

I was good at leaving. I was a professional, actually. Like the main character in my first novel, I was the one who always left when things got too difficult, too complicated or too painful. But this time, this time I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to run away and end things. And I was terrified that I had just screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was so scared and so upset, I had to pull over on the side of the freeway and bang my hands on the steering wheel and cry. Really cry. I don't cry, folks. But I did then. 

It was awful. The job was more challenging than I ever imagined. I was working crazy mad hours, not sleeping well, not eating well, not taking care of myself. But everyday, at the same time, I would get these amazing phone calls, and I would be reminded that I could do this. I could live three-thousand miles away from the only person I ever really wanted in my life. I could do the job no one else wanted and I could make a difference in a company that almost shut down because of Quality and I could come out the other end a better person. Because he believed in me. And in us. 

And now, seven years later, here we are. We made it. I made it, because I took a chance on the thing that scared me the most - commitment. Commitment to him, no matter how far apart we were. Commitment to his belief in me. Commitment to being the person he saw in me. 

And you know what's really cool? I mean, besides the fact that he still cooks dinner and is still a hunk? He believes in my writing, in this whole "book" thing I'm trying to do. He even shushes me and sends me up to the computer to write. And you know what? I'm not scared anymore!

Here's more about Mila's amazing new book, "SPIRAL"

Nessa Cavanaugh, psychology student, knows how to stay on an even keel. Despite the urging of her mother and her academic advisor to get a life and have some fun, “all work and no play” sums up her plan to survive her grueling internship year at a children's hospital. She doesn't want to end up like her father, whose constant ups and downs broke her family, and avoiding unnecessary emotional entanglements is a must.
Then she (literally) runs into Dr. Aron Lindstrom in the middle of her disastrous first day on the job. The attraction is instant—and terrifying. Nessa knows she should stay away—especially when she finds out he has a reputation for being a player—but Aron is brilliant, intense, and as sexy as they come. When he challenges her to take a chance on him, her plans to stay focused on work start to crumble.

But what begins as passion takes on a dangerous edge, becoming an emotional roller coaster that’s frighteningly familiar. As things spiral out of control, Nessa must decide whether she should hold on for the ride or run … even if it means leaving her heart behind.

Now - check out the other bloggers revelations of things they were a'scared of, as well as a chance to win a $50 gift card, copies of Mila's new book and some sweet swag!!!
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