Of roller coasters, hipster boots and Whore Awards...

So, first of all, not only did I totally crap out on you and not post yesterday; I crapped out on the Insecure Writers Group as well. See, at least you're in good company!

Mea Culpa.

Yesterday was just one of those days when I couldn't find my ass with two hands and a flashlight. Yes, I know, an object that big should have landing lights, but they wouldn't have helped either. It was just one of those days - and it kept getting better.

In fact, the last thing I did yesterday (before crawling into a corner with my bottle and a pillow) was absolutely the worst and the funniest - I guess it got all the stupid out of me, because today was sooo much better. Not really, but that's another story. At least it wasn't as bad.

So, about last night: I met my Critique Partner, CP; for dinner. Nothing out of the norm there. We were talking about different things and somehow we started talking about sex scenes. See, my current WIP doesn't have one. Nary a pube in sight. HOWEVER, my last book has what I would deem an awesome, totally 'wait for the significant other to go to bed or read it in the bathroom' sex scene. So she demanded insisted asked I send it to her as soon as I got home. And I did.

I cut and pasted it right into an email and sent it straight to her. At her work account. With the Government. Doing highfalutin, extra secret spy stuff. With a sex scene in her inbox. Bwah ha ha!

She did NOT finding it amusing. Well, she sort of did. I re-sent it right away to her home account. Thank god there are no anatomically correct body parts listed in the entire scene. Except 'breast.' And 'butt.' And to think, I almost put "porn" as the subject line. THAT would have been freakin' hilarious!

Ahem. CP did not find that part amusing. At All. She did, however, greatly enjoy the scene itself, which she took a helluva long time reading. In the bathroom. While her husband slept. And then emailed me this picture:

So, I'm guessing she liked what she read. But I digress. Not really, but I like saying that: "I (pause for affect) digress!"

Where was I? Oh, yeah: what I'm saying is, even if I'd had the time (which I didn't, unless I skipped that first double-Scotch. Like that's ever going to happen) I didn't have any ideas for the blog post due yesterday. 

And today, as a comment left on yesterday's completely unsatisfactory "hey, I'm screwing you out of your Wednesday reading material" post, Kelly at dysfunctionallyfun gives me the Whore Award (see it, in the upper right corner? Awesome, right?) and the following visual prompt:

Now, what the hell am I supposed to write using that? I could go so many directions with this, none of them rated "G"! I'm gonna have to take a couple days to wrap my brain around this one (get it: corkscrew, round-wrapping rollee coastee picture and brain?). So, no. You still aren't getting THAT post. Check back Saturday. I should either be drunk enough Friday night or hungover enough Saturday morning to make something of it. Evil bitch from the depths of hell. 

Crap - did I write that out loud?

Now, on to the award, which is so totally awesome, even though I could never get my made-for-supporting-bridges-and-tunnels legs into them. 

Dum Dum DUMMMMM: The Whore It Up Award

Yes, there are rules. Even whores have scruples or guidelines or something. Don't worry, I checked with the muse (that slatternly slut) and she says they're cool:

Rules:

1. Upon receiving this award, you will receive a prompt. You are to write about said prompt. (Whenever you feel like it)
2. Link back to who gave you this award and include the picture of the award in your post.
3. Pass it to just five bloggers. (You can tag back if you want to read what your presenter has to say about the topic you come up with.)
4. Come up with a prompt for the five bloggers you chose.
5. When you do finally get around to writing the prompt, let the blogger who presented you this award know. So they can read it.

Now, for my victims awardees:
1. My CP, CP at n00bishdelight - cuz she's my bud and she's into Zombies and shit!
2. Stacey at maplesyrupland - because she's smart, funny and likes has plays with balls
3. Sporkchop at roflinitiative - I thought it would be hilarious to see a guy in these boots - maybe with something else on but not necessarily, and he posts some weird shit I really like.
4. Valerie at flyingplatypi - hey, anyone that licks anything like she does DESERVES these boots! Git yer mind out of the gutter and read her blog, damn you!
5. Summer at fizzygrrl - cuz since I started following her on Twitter, my life hasn't been the same. In a good way. Unless you have an issue with snorting coffee out your nose.

And here's your prompt: You just swallowed the most potent aphrodisiac known to womankind (no, it was not an American Express Centurion card). It lasts 72 hours MINIMUM. You are trapped in a room at the North Pole, with one other person. There is no hope of rescue, no place to hide. It's one big room. What happens?

Here's your companion:

Could be worse. Could be Taylor Swift.

Muah ha ha!

Surprising success and an early "S" post

Okay, I'm not really known for my humility. Not that I'm egocentric or vain, but I'm definitely confident and assertive. With that said, I must admit to being pleasantly surprised at being nominated by TWO fellow bloggers and writers for the Liebster Blog Award! Yay! I'm especially thrilled because I've only been at this for a little over a month.


I have been nominated by both MadelineAnn of "Reincarnated as a Writer" and Bridgina Molloy of "The Wicked Writer" - many thanks to both of you!



The Liebster Award is passed around from one blog to another, with the following rules:

• I have to give 11 random facts about me
• I have to answer the 11 questions the presenter of the award has asked
• I have to nominate 11 new bloggers to receive the award, they must have fewer than 200 followers
• I have to ask my nominees 11 new questions of my own

So, 11 facts about me:

1. I believe coffee, scotch, chocolate and popcorn constitute a well rounded diet.
2. I knew how to fly a small plane before I knew how to drive.
3. Tall, dark and built with a scottish accent will get me to do almost anything. 
4. Although a native Californian, people think I'm from Canada All. The. Time. Something with my "o's" being too round. 
5. I've been married more times than I'd like to admit. 
6. I ran my first half marathon at the age of - OLD.
7. I'm a sucker for anything small and furry with big eyes - including the odd child.
8. I was the first female Quality Manager of a major shipyard - ANYWHERE
9. I really don't have a filter between my brain and my mouth - ask my husband, mother, child and boss.
10. I returned to writing fiction after a 20+ year absence and am finding reasonable success. 
11. I've been accused of being fearless, but I do have a few fears: being on a precipice, the dark and cockroaches. Especially cockroaches. And Janet Reid.

MadelineAnn's questions:

1. How much do you like your steak cooked? Uh, dead?
2. Tea, coffee or something else? Oh, please - you know the answer to this: Coffee, with scotch. Often.
3. How much was your first pay -packet for, and what was the job? Gawd! Okay, I think around $30 - delivering pizza. I got fired immediately. It's hard to deliver hot pizza when you don't know your way around town. 
4. Favourite film, and why? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - I swear, all they did was film me and my friends while we were in High School - and Hello? Keanu Reeves much?
5. How long does it take you to read an average length novel? This is almost embarrassing - around 2 days. 
6. Was your school co-educational or single sex, and do you think that was the better option? Oh, definitely co-ed. We all had sex more than a single time - wait - did I misinterpret?
7. Which emotion do you feel the most easily/most often? Do you enjoy it? Wow - tough one...I'm pretty happy and upbeat, though come across as cynical. I'll go with happy. 
8. Has anything out-of-the-ordinary wonderful ever happened to you? Can you tell us about it? More than I can say - but most people wouldn't believe me if I told them. And I'd have to kill you, what with working for the government and all.
9. Left or right handed? I'm so right-handed, I can't even brush my hair with my left. 
10. What's your favourite kind of holiday? Anything with a beach, warm weather, water and Cabana Boys bearing endless adult beverages. Or is that an endless bearing of Adult Cabana Boys?
11. Do you have a pet, what is it, or if not, why not? Hmm, I'm guessing you mean of the four-legged kind? Yes - Charlie. My Terra-shit. Read my post "Meet Charlie - a Terrorist". He's also the fuzz face mascot on this site. But I do love me some two legged pet as well!

Bridgina's Questions:

1. If there was any one point in history you would like to visit, where and what would it be? Tell us why in a couple of sentences. My thirties - most historical times really suck for women. I like my own "when" and can't imagine me surviving very long in a previous time (that whole "no filter" thing would have been a real problem in, say, the inquisition).
2. Tell us the name of someone that has inspired you in your life or craft, living or dead and in a couple of sentences explain why? Oh, wow - my husband. Really - not being "sweet" - it's not in my nature. He always said I should write a book, always loved my writing and encourages me. I couldn't do it without him. In fact, I couldn't do much of anything without him. He's my glue.
3. What is your most favourite item of clothing? Why (in a couple of sentences)? Yoga pants. They're comfortable. They look reasonably good. They go everywhere. They don't show sweat/coffee/chocolate or scotch stains. They hold the jiggly parts in.
4. Where is your favourite place to write (sofa, bed, bath, desk, library, cafe...etc.,)? My office at home - with music blaring, window open and Charlie at my feet.
5. Are you a morning person or a night person? I am soooo NOT a morning person! But, my job requires me to be up at 0330 (GAWD, right?) - so for this part of my life I guess I'm neither!
6. Has your life turned out the way you had imagined it would as a child? Um, I don't think I really thought about it then.
7. How do you stay motivated when writing your blog/novel/short story/article/poetry etc.? Music, laughter and scotch.
8. Are you a planner or a seat of the pants(er)? Definitely a pantster.
9. What was the first music record/tape/cd you bought? Rod Stewart - I forget the album.
10. What is your favourite Genre to write and read? Why (in a couple of Sentences)?  I don't really have a favorite...I guess I lean more towards fiction with some romantic element, though not definitively romance.
11. What is your pet Peeve? Stupid people. We all have brains, but few of us use them.

Now, for my nominees: Um - this is hard!

1. Susan Adrian at Susan Adrian - she's just too damned funny, especially on Twitter!
2. Susan Scott of Garden of Eden - amazing new friend who has an absolutely ethereal way with words.
3. L.G. Keitner of Warped Nerdversity - Okay, beside the cool blog name, she has trippy stuff to play with on her blog!
4. Sporkchop at ROFL Initiative - He (?) just makes me roll on the floor (and LMFAO)!
5. Burkester at Seethethingaboutthatis - Really - you have to ask? She has bright, shiny THINGS and I, oh - grab. Missed, grab again - where was I?
6. Kristina Pinto at Mother Running Rampant - Okay - I've been known to run. I've been known to cuss. I've been known to do many things Kristina does, just not as well as her. I have a feeling she may not qualify, as I'm sure she has more than 200 followers, but still...
7. My friend and CP, CP! at n00bishdelight - she's cool. I like that.
8. Rhondi at Ya Gotta Laugh About It - I swear, she must be my brotha from anotha motha! Except we're both girls. Still, you get the point.
9. Lisa Zadok at Whatthefeminist - if I have to explain, you clearly have never met me or read my blog.
10. Networked Twins at This May Cost Me an Appliance - okay, the name intrigued me, the snark made me a fan.
11. Ummm - honestly, can't find another one. See, I have this problem - I think most people are too pompous and full of shit to write a truly amusing blog. I struggled to find these 10 - and I'm sure there are 10 more out there, let alone 1. But, I almost puked at the sweet, kind, flower and butterfly laden sites I found, so - there ya go.

Now, for MY Questions (Bwa-ha-ha!)

1. How old would you be if you could pick any age? Why?
2. When you close your eyes, do you look like the person you see in the mirror or someone else? Who?
3. Describe yourself with four words that begin with the same letter. Why did you pick that letter?
4. What book has had the greatest impact on you/your life and why?
5. What makes you laugh-out-loud-snort-coffee-out-your-nose?
6. What makes you squirm with embarrassment?
7. (a) Girls: Christian Bale or Hugh Jackman and why? (b) Boys: Halle Berry or Jessica Alba and why?
8. All - Bad boy/girl with a heart of gold or Good boy/girl with a wicked streak?
9. Tattoos? What and where? 
10. Best, last drunk?
11. If it were up to you, the Wicked Smaht award would go to? 

Gee, that was fun! Next Sunday I'll answer my own questions - Batter up!