And this is how it happened...

Hello my lovelies! I am soooo sorry for neglecting you, but it's been a bit of a whirl the last week. In way of an apology, I thought I'd tell you how my AMAZING THREE BOOK DEAL with Entangled Publishing came about. It's actually quite surreal!

It all started with a little tweet, like so:

#pitmad At 22 Kelsi lost her husband & maybe her mind. Is the dark haired man frm her dreams real? Y dz he look like her new neighbor?
— Barbara Garren (@bak229) May 28, 2013

From this little tweet, I received a request for partial (the first three chapters). From the first three chapters, about two weeks later; I received a request for the full manuscript. Uhhhh...

Yes, I had a completed manuscript. I would never pitch an incomplete story. The problem was, my CP hadn't finished critiquing it and I hadn't completed any of the edits. And oh, by the way, my CP was on vacation in Key West for the week. Perfect timing! Also, I was away from my computer for the week. What WAS I thinking? THANK GOD I always email myself the latest version of whatever I'm working on as a means of back up.

I fired off the most recent copy to CP, she did a wicked good chop on it and I was able to get it to Entranced by Friday. Working off an Iphone is a blast, folks. Just saying.

So, then the waiting begins, and it's like:

Sometimes you wait days. Sometimes you wait weeks. Sometimes, even, you have to wait months. Publishers, agents and others receive TONS of submissions. They try to give an honest evaluation to each of them. If you're lucky, you get something more than a form rejection. And you spend the time waiting for a reply like this:

And if you're really lucky, I mean Really, REALLY lucky, you get something like this:

Hello Barbara,

> 

>We thoroughly enjoyed PHASMS, and I am pleased to be able to offer you a contract for publication. Please take a look over the attached contract; be sure to read the addendum on the very last page. If you find the terms acceptable, sign the document and return it to me. I look forward to hearing from you.

> 

> Best,

> Managing Editor 

> Entranced Publishing 

And it comes to you three weeks after you submitted, while your at work, and you stare at the email. You read it again. You walk around your desk, reading it again. You clean your glasses, because you couldn't have read it correctly. You read it again. And then? Well, then you go all fangirl, bouncing around, biting your knuckles, trying not to scream. And you call your author friend, because you know she's the only person you can talk to who knows how you feel.

And she peels you off the ceiling, calms your ass down, tells you to breathe, lends you a mental shoulder to lean on and suggests you call the Man Behind The Curtain, because he really should be the next person to know.

And you call him. You call your Mom. You call your children. You call your CP and your best friend and your dentist and your hairdresser. You call every phone number you know or have with you, and when you get the pizza place down the street from you by accident, you tell them too, because hey! This is worth celebrating! Sort of like:

You celebrate the shit out of it! You drink Tequila (which you swore off of years ago when your father and God got you out of jail after too much of the stuff) and you drink beer and you dance on the patio and the Man Behind The Curtain puts you to bed where, thankfully, you sleep it all off and wake up hangover free.

You party the next day, because there are people to celebrate with that weren't available the day before, but you're a little smarter this time and you don't get drunk and you still can't sleep at night because you still can't believe it's real.

And then the publisher starts sending you documents to read and Cover Design Questionnaires and asks you for your bio and you get an email from your editor and see the timeline for getting the book ready for publication, all while your working on the second book, because you signed a THREE BOOK DEAL, and sometime while you're working on editing book two you'll have to write book three and it hits you. It really hits you.

You're no longer a writer. You are now an AUTHOR. And this is what happens next:

The names were changed in the writing of this blog to protect the innocent. No animals were harmed during production. Livers, however, were excluded from protection.

How it works....sometimes

GOOOOD MORNING Faithful Followers.

I really wish I had sufficient PC skills to attach Robin Williams voice to that sentence, ala Good Morning Vietnam...

Yes, I know. It's shocking, it's 6 o'clock in the morning and I'm vertical, semi-dressed and almost in a good mood. Please, enjoy it while it lasts - it's like a cloud on a hot, dry day: it can disappear at any moment.

But while it's here, let me tell you that this week has been exceptional. Ex-Cep-Shun-All! A bit like...

Hmmm - senese a theme going on here? Might have been the gaggle of Marines that were hanging out in front of my office yesterday. Yes, God gifted me with Marines. Ooodles of them. They were scrumptious, yummy even! Tasty, like savory cupcakes without too much sweet frosting. MMMM, mmm, mmm. 

Aw, there I go digressing again. 

So, you ask, why was last week all "Good Morning, Vietnam," besides the fact it's one of my favorite movies of all time? Well, because it was a bit of good and bad, bitter and sweet. 

First, work was tough. Really tough. I can't go into specifics cuz I need to keep my job until I sell millions of books and become rich, but it just was. Stupid problems that should never have occurred, abject failure to follow policy and a lot of whining and complaining. And that was just on the government side - let's not even get into the contractors!

But, writing was good. My muse, the Valkyrie, must have swallowed mushrooms or got laid or something. She was soaring all week, higher and higher, bringing back the good stardust and sprinkling on my head and hands. She was generous and effusive and before I knew it I had 26 pages of a new novel safely tucked away, another 13 pages on the almost new story, 40 pages of the first novel revised and a 4,000 word short story completed.  

"Wait," you ask, "What do you mean a 'New Novel'? Weren't you already working on a new novel? And what's this 'almost new story'?"

Well, that's why I'm going all Adrian Cronauer on you... Let me try to explain.

1)  Book One: I finished it around the first of the year, shopped it around, got some nibbles, got a request for full, got turned down, sent it to my friend and author Justine and got four pages of tiny, tiny font feedback so I could go fix it. Which is what I'm doing now and I'm about a third of the way.

2) Then came Book Two: I finished it a couple months ago, didn't shop it around, was working on revisions to it with my critique partner CP, stupidly entered PitMad on Twitter, got a request for partial, got a request for full, made CP madly finish her critique, dashed off all the corrections and sent it in. And am waiting for results. And went ahead and submitted to a few other folks cuz why the hell not, I'm a writer, that's what we do.

3)  Short Story One: dashed off after dashing around the block with the dog one day. Submitted to about a dozen magazines, turned down by all but three, those three still pending. If they decline, I promise to publish here. 

4)  New story one, or "almost new story" was an idea I wanted to explore in a voice I hadn't used before. Girl after my own heart with much tequila, surfing, sex and general fun.  The Pro-tag cusses like a sailor (gee, go figure) and eats like a teenage boy. She's smart, stubborn, OCD and will make you snort coffee out your nose. Yup. She's me - back in the day. Story was coming nicely and I new where it was going to go as well. Probably about 10% written.

5)  Short Story Two: I'd been turning this around in my head since March, unsure how to actually get it started, but it finally found it's way out and I've sub'd to a small handful of magazine's to see if they are interested. It's pretty weird, which means it's pretty authentically me. It's not all snergly and there's almost no cussing, but it's still pretty "me."

Then along came New Story. THE story. It started with a single, completely out of context line as I was laying in bed the other night. I mean, the sentence could have gone anywhere, or nowhere. But between thinking it as I dozed off and waking up the next morning, the story had formed and was just dying to escape. I wrote the first chapter during lunch at work that day. And it kept coming. It's still clamoring at the tips of my fingers, begging to get out. It's AMAZING too! ROAR!

I can't wait to sub it out, 'cuz I have confidence this one is going places. And it's so damn fun to write - I even get to make up words and lot's of other cool things. I can't tell you much, but it's a mash-up of genres and the feedback so far is GOOD!  This is the one that had me crawling out of bed three times last night to add a line here, a paragraph there. I finally decided to just leave the damn computer on so I wouldn't have to wait for it, thereby risking the precious WERDS that were trying to make it out of my head. 

So, there you go. That's the sort of week it takes to make me feel this way. Not so hard to understand, right? I think, with that, I'm gonna take The Terrorist for a walk, so I can get back to writing.

Peace out, Ya'll! Here's your Saturday Tunes - make it a good one!

Mornings - FAAAAAAACK!

Yaaaa -eeeaaaaawnnnn.

Have I told you how much I dislike mornings? I would say "hate," but being a hater is on my list of things deemed socially unacceptable. Yes, I have a list. My husband updates it for me on a regular basis. I'm not the most socially adept person out there. Guess that's why I write.

So, mornings - yeah. One of the reasons I don't hate them is 'cuz I figure any day on the right side of the grass is a good day. One of the reasons I do hate them is 'cuz it takes me about 3 cups of coffee before I'm sure I won't bite the heads of small dogs and children.

I am the definition of "Not A Morning Person."

Well, except for one particular activity - which I have to say is always best in the morning.  But don't make any mistakes; this is NOT me int he morning (or anytime, for that matter):

If you've been reading along, which I KNOW you have because you love me and find me totally awesome in all my drunken drivel, then you know I was supposed to start driving in to work even earlier then the totally FAAAACKING insane hour my job requires. 

I was going to go straight to work, thereby avoiding all the traffic in the morning and go for a run. We have showers at work. We have coffee at work (if you want to call it that). We have no traffic at 0400 in the morning at work. 

Right? What the hell was I thinking? I haven't made it yet. I tried, but my ass was so firmly glued in bed all week, it was NOT happening. I'm sure it was pretty funny to watch as I shoved my work out clothes on to the closet floor and hit the snooze button. Several times. Because...

FAAAAACK. Oh, said that already. Sorry - still on that first cup of coffee.

I do actually plan on trying again this coming week. Hopefully things will fare better and I have a little less stress on the writing front. Speaking of which, here's where things stand:

First Book - received four pages (in minus 16 font) of questions, comments and revisions from an esteemed colleague that I am trying to incorporate. I'm about a third of the way through on that.

Second Book - thanks to the considerable effort and talents of CP, book 2 has been sent to the industry professional who requested it. Cross your fingers!

Short Story 1 - no takers yet. I have three more submissions pending and if they don't pick it up, I will *as promised* publish here.

Short Story 2 - yes, there is a short story 2. I just wrote it the other day. Needs some polish - and I'm sending it to CP so she can rip it to shreds (she's good at that, she's like a Komodo dragon on word steroids or something), then I'll shop it around.

I have a third story I'm dying to get to - got a few pages down so I can keep the *feels* before I get the chance to work on it. It's going to be fun, too - a real ball-busting riot, so I can't wait to go to work. I'll probably play with it later on today. After I've had more coffee. And some Scotch. 

Meanwhile, The Terrorist is growling and fanning me with his tail, which means he either needs coffee or a walk. So, that's it for now.

Oh, except for Saturday Faves! Happy day - I'm going to hook up the caffeine I.V.!!!

Careful what you wish for...

This whole week has been screwy.

Not in a "slightly off kilter, can't get my feet on the ground" way, but in a "what the fuck did I think I was doing?" way. Add auditory hallucinations and you've got screwy.

It didn't start out that way. In fact, it started out pretty normal. Like, June Cleaver normal. You know, kind of a mash-up of Brady Bunch, Gilmore Girls, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Because that's how my life rolls, most of the time.

Work was normal. My minions attempted to tell me how well they were managing and I conveyed my usual faith in their abilities.

My husband was overworked, overstressed and overly horny, and I employed my always hugely supportive tactics to help him relax.

And I continued on in my normal, professional and efficient way ...

So, what's so screwy about that? Well let me tell you: I got another request for a full manuscript. At 5 o'clock in the morning. I know, what the hell am I doing up at 5 a.m.? Honey, if I have to explain my normal biorhythms to you, you ain't been readin' my blog enough!

Anyway - so, there I am, reading this request, freaking out because I only pitched it on a whim and totally didn't expect to get a request for a full (there's a serious life lesson there, folks!) and my CP is off partying her brain to slush while I've got a manuscript to polish. 

No, I don't blame CP - well, except for not taking me with her, but that's another story. 

I've got six loads of laundry to do, toilets to clean, a dog to walk, victuals to procure and oh, by the way, I'm hearing random buzzing sounds throughout the house. 

Like, bee buzzing sounds. 

Have I told you I'm allergic to bee's? As in, "free trip to the hospital" allergic? 

And before you ask, hell no, I do not have one of those cute little Epi-pens because in 52 years of living I've only been stupid enough to get stung once. Hence the awareness of the allergic reaction. Yeah - makes me look all: 

So - yeah, it's a weird fuckin' week. And I'm sitting here, trying to ignore the buzzing sound, trying to polish my manuscript before I submit it, wondering how long I can delay sending it in and, oh yeah - I'm outa scotch. 

Fuck. It's going to be a bitch of a weekend. 

Late breaking news: The Man Behind The Curtain has returned from slaying dragons, bearing bottles of scotch and rum. My attitude (and the buzzing in my head) has melted away. 

Victory can be found in rejection...

So, Victory. It's not always what you expect.

I sent my first novel out on query in January. I received several partials and one request for a full submission. I was stunned. Floored. Ecstatic. Doing the happy dance all over the house.

And I submitted. And I re-read what I submitted. And lo, the work was subpar and not ready for submission. And I retracted. And the agent said "Let me see thy work when you have revised."

And I went forth and revised. But I failed to send for critique by worthy readers. I failed to let the work sit and ferment in it's own digestive stew. I failed to follow all the things the great writerly apostles tell us to do:

1. Read it out loud.
2. Let it sit for a week or two
3. Read it again
4. Let others read it
5. Revise, revise, revise,
6. Repeat steps (1) through (5)

And I resubmitted against these commandments. And thus, I was smote down by the hand of the agent (not really, she was super nice and gave me some really good feedback) and I was laid low in the land of "Nod Ready for Publishing."

And now I turn my eyes to heaven and search for the divine writer/author to pronounce my penance and lead me back to the land of editorial might, that I may sit at the foot of wit and wisdom and find those words and ways that will ensure my favor in the literary eye.

And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being rejected. I'm okay with being told what's wrong with my book. If no one told me what was wrong, I would keep doing the same things over and over again and never improve. 

Sure, it stings (a little), but the fact that I had doubts and misgivings of my own mean it really wasn't ready to submit. It really wasn't even ready to query. As excited as I was to finish it, to get it 'out there' in the hands of agents and publishers, part of me knew it needed more work. So I violated my own principals by sending it out anyway. Silly me.

So in the end, my rejection is a victory. For one thing, someone in the profession actually took the time to not only respond to my query (so the query itself must have been good), they loved the premise (so I must be writing about the right stuff) and they read the whole thing (so it must not be that awful). 

It's a win, a victory, in my book, because I've been validated as an author. Like yesterday's post said, I don't need to be published to be read. But being read definitely provides validation. And being read by some of the toughest folks in the business and being encouraged to continue writing, that's a victory I'll celebrate any time. 

 

What bad mood?

Ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed? I mean, really, really on the wrong side of the bed?

This morning I woke up cranky as hell. I didn't roll out on the wrong side. I freakin' levitated straight to the shower. This was not going to be pretty.

I drove to work in typical San Diego style: heater on in the morning, A/C in the afternoon. Yeah, tuff to deal with. What do I have to bitch about?

I was in a funk. My first novel was out on submission. A dozen queries, 5 requests for partials and 1 request for full. Pretty good, you say. Awful, I say.

Here's the truth: I was extremely lucky to get any response to my queries. It just doesn't happen that way. Then, to get a request for a full MS? Un-freakin' believable. But I did. And now I wait. And I'm going nuts.

I haven't written for like a week. I have an unfinished second novel staring at me every time I turn on my computer. I have two other 'starts' - a couple pages each. And last night I worked on another piece I've been thinking about. I've been wasting time, doing 'research' as I told/fibbed to my husband. Researching why I'm in such a bad mood.

And then I clicked over to Justine Dell's blog. God Bless Justine. I started reading some of her older posts, even as far back as 2010, about the whole writing/reading/quirying/submitting grind. And she just - fixed my bad mood. She helped me regain both passion and perspective. She's amazing. I just ordered both her books. My way of saying thanks.

So, next time you need a swift kick in the ass to improve you mood, check out some of your blogging/writing friends. Check out some new friends. Dig through those archived posts. You might find something you can use.